I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
