You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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