1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have surprise drugs for everyone
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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