I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
