now i know why i became what i already was.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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