he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
