I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
