Cold hands, warm shart.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
