Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
