I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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