Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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