she smelled like a LAN party
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
