how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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