nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
