sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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