And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
