There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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