I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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