You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
