i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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