I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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