I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
