I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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