Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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