look no pants
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I could fuck to npr.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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