How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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