Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
