its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
