Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
