The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
