dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
