I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
