Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
