i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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