If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
