Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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