i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
