id be glad to
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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