Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize