Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
