Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
