U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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