I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
