dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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