saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
