you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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