By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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