Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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