You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
