Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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