the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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